Gathering courage

(moved from the old diary-type thing)

1996: K took me to a couple of gay bars, but I didn't feel at home there. It was nice to see, though, that one could just go to one of those places and hang out and nobody minded. Most people there looked like regular people, which was a relief. Of course, by then I already knew you couldn't tell if someone was gay just by the way he/she looked, but it was nice to have that affirmed.

Later on, I used to go to one of the bars alone, preferably after a movie, and have a couple of glasses of red wine and maybe a chat with someone. The first time I did that, though, the movie had been so good I was "high" from it, and when a woman approached me and asked if I'd like to join her and her friends at a table (I always sat or stood at the end of the bar), I politely declined.

I joined the local gay/les/bi organization, mainly to get more information about local queers. For a long time I merely read their magazine and newsletters, and paid my membership in time. I also joined a women-only mailing list but lurked most of the time. Some of the discussions were too high-brow for me, and the people there all seemed to know one another.

In December, one of the women from the mailing list suggested a meeting – for the list members to get to see each other for real. I jumped at the opportunity.