No big deal

Lately, it has become easier for both Jae and me to come right out and act as if it's really no big deal at all. Anyway, it shouldn't be a big deal - this is the 21st century and gay marriage is legal over here. But most of the time, we hem and haw and mumble about our "partners", "spouses" and the like, in a very neutral way.

Well, not any more! Last week I worked with an unknown person (from another shift) and of course, we chatted a bit while working. I mentioned something about my spouse and she asked if "my husband" worked at the same firm. I said: "My wife - and yes, she works in the IT department." Jae had a similar incident with a rather close co-worker (but one with whom she hasn't chatted a lot).

Afterwards, we compared notes and came to the same conclusion: it gets easier over time... and if you don't make a big deal out of coming out, no-one else will, either. At least not to your face, if they're polite.

Under surveillance

Gosh, it's been ages since I last blogged here! I've become way too lazy.

It's good being out. Not so good for a friend of mine, whose mother said "it's OK, nothing's changed" and all the usual pleasantries... but then started cyber-stalking her, trying to log into Facebook as her daughter, reading her (anonymous) blog through and even stalking her friends on the Internet.

It makes me so angry I'd like to nuke the bitch... but as far as I know, she doesn't do IRC (and I don't know how to nuke anyone there... or how to cause trouble there without leaving a trail). I'm glad my friend doesn't live with her parents any more, though - if she did, she'd have no privacy left whatsoever.

Addictions

Found here. My addictions are

• Tea (the real kind, not herb "tea" or fruit infusions - preferably a litre a day at least)


• Blogs (I write a few, read maybe a hundred... and I'm always compelled to read all the archives when I come upon a new blog)


• Books (the huge bookshelf we've got is barely enough for all my books)


• Dark chocolate (extra dark - 70% - if possible)


• Salt liquorice hard candy (the stronger, the better)

There are other things, too, but these are the biggest addictions and the ones for which I get these junkie-like cravings.. even if I sometimes couldn't afford the stuff (books because of the money and the space they take up, chocolate and salt liquorice because I should watch my weight). As for blogs, I can easily spend hours at the computer doing nothing but reading those... so yeah, it's definitely an addiction.

Clothes (and hair) do not make the man

On our holiday trip, I was mistaken for a guy at the marketplace of a smallish town. I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt at the time, and the person who thought I was male, was a woman of 50-60 years.

OK, so I've got a mohawk now... and my clothes aren't very girly (black, brown, shades of green but never pink or pastel), but how can a person not see me for what I am, with a T-shirt (under which I'm a C-cup)?

Another mistake almost happened during that same trip, this time the other person was a man of... I dunno, well over 60 anyway. He said something like: "And this... oh, is it a girl?" to which my father said, "Yes, she's my older daughter."

Daddy dearest still couldn't refer to my wife as "wife", though; it was *pause* "...friend."

Ah, summer

My summer holidays have officially started! First steady job, first real summer holiday.. finally! It's only a short one (a bit over two weeks, because I moved the third week to spring 2007), but it's enough. And I've earned it!

The previous post was made through Flickr, with my new cell phone, which I bought on my holiday pay.

I didn't attend the local Pride this year, because I was working at the time, but maybe next year.. it all depends on when I get my holiday the next time.

We've had a real heatwave here for about a week now, maybe longer, and even though I'm uncomfortably hot most of the time, I refuse to complain. This is such a rare occurrence that I intend to enjoy every moment! Besides, I'm still working on my tan (and freckles)...

Test post

Test post
Originally uploaded by Matsu71.

Maybe I won't have to set up a separate MMS blog after all...

Frustration

I saw a documentary on TV this week about a homophobic, straight guy (from Michigan)... who had to spend 30 days with gay people in San Francisco. It frustrated me to no end - mainly the guy's attitude and the fact that he always tried to hide behind the Bible. He contradicted himself several times and behaved like a complete moron most of the time.

(OK, so in the end he probably learned something akin to tolerance, so that was all right... but still...)

The program also showed an old guy, a former human rights activist, who, along with his dozen children and several dozens of grandchildren arranged picket lines and demonstrations against GLBT people! Made me want to get up on some barricades and demand justice (as well as hope for the old guy - and his offspring - to snuff it ASAP, in none too pleasant ways).

It's so frustrating to see things like these and be reminded of all the phobes out there - and of the rights we still haven't got (or only have on paper).

Over here, the big issue right now is legislation about artificial insemination - whether it should be allowed for single women and couples of women. Only about 10 kids are born to lesbian couples each year, but even that amount seems to be too much for the conservative, middle-aged male members of the parliament. At the moment it seems likely that the law will exclude single women and lesbian couples and only allow straight couples the use of fertility clinics.

The conservatives claim it's important for every child to have a father... and yet hundreds of kids, born to straight parents, will never know their fathers!

If I were at all inclined to have children, I might try to have one just to spite the conservatives!

"Sorry"

The workmate I earlier mentioned surprised me completely this week. She mentioned something about missing materials saying, "couldn't those damn fags just deliver - oh sorry, here I go again..."

I was dumbfounded.

Not quite what we planned...

Today is the day when I return the 6680. Can't save any of the photos (unless I e-mail then to myself), can't really save anything as I don't have the cable required for data transfer.

Went shopping yesterday. This is a noteworthy thing because I hate shopping, and I especially hate shopping for clothes. And yesterday I bought two pairs of trousers (OK, so Jae paid for the other pair but what's hers is mine and vice versa)! After the shopping, we ate at a restaurant and nearly had to roll ourselves home.

Went for a nap, planning to get up in an hour or two, chat with my sister, erase the phone memory (and possibly e-mail some photos), do the dishes and watch some TV. We woke up well past midnight.. Sis has been asleep for hours, can't really do the dishes (and make noise), there's nothing on TV any more...

Oh well, we'll get up early in the morning, now I'm off to bed again.

Testing Nokia 6680...

...and mobile blogging. I wish this were easier and cheap!

A few facts about my being out...

...Just in case.

I'm pretty out at my workplace, now that I have a steady job. When I was temping, it didn't matter so I never told anyone. Now it would be rather difficult to chat with my workmates and constantly omit the fact that I'm married to a woman, living with her and doing just about everything with her..

Same goes for friends and relatives. It's just much easier to be out.

If, at a hospital or some such place I'm asked who my next of kin is, I tell them it's my wife (and if asked, mention that the person is my wife - not a sister or something like that). Once, a receptionist asked me if Jae was my spouse and I replied that yes, and that in a few months we'll be officially married. Her response? "Oh, how wonderful!" - and that was quite sincerely.

So far the only case (my homephobes and relatives excluded!) of a less than neutral response was from a woman I used to carpool with. Positive responses have been numerous.

Phobe or not?

I have this workmate, who tends to call anything unpleasant (or anyone stupid) "gay" or "fag". If we don't get some materials on time, it's "Why are those fags just sitting on their asses?"... and if a machine isn't working properly, it's "This fucking gay gadget always fails!"

When I confront her on this, she just shrugs it off as "a habit" of speech and says she doesn't mean anything by it. One day, as some materials fell on the floor, I exclaimed, "Why don't these goddamn straight things just stay where they're supposed to?" - this was right after she'd commented something about some "gay" materials. She laughed, then told about my comment to some other workmates.. and still completely missed the point.

One day I got pretty mad at her and said I didn't want to work with a "fucking hetero" like her.. but that only shut her up for a few days.

I had such a nice week when she was on sick leave. Last night she was back.. and I seem to be stuck with working with her.

The journey continues

I have an old diary-type thing on my homepage, which I rarely update these days.. so this seemed like a good idea: a new diary-type thing, which I just might update whenever something relevant happens. Hey, it worked before, so why not now?

Parents, again

(moved from the old...)

Finally a comment from my parents. "We wish you'd stay here... couldn't she move to Helsinki as well?"

I told them about the price differences and J's studies. Said it's not likely that I'll stay here. Also, I told them that my plan is to leave for good, when I do leave... so I won't be returning humbly, cap in hand, saying I've run out of money or something like that.

Call me a cynic, but I'm pretty sure they want me to stay so they don't have to explain my absence. Imagine having to tell everyone that your (admittedly oddball) daughter is living with her girlfriend (Gasp!) in another city! The humiliation! The agony!

In pain

(moved from the old...)

I spent the weekend at J's again. I even went there a day early, because I got two days of sick leave due to this flu... It was OK, I could rest there even better than at home, where I would have been all alone.

Anyway... Friday was bad. My back acted up worse than ever (starting in the morning as we got up), so badly in fact, that we had to see a physician, who then sent us to an ER. It was quite an ordeal: I was in considerable pain all the time and J got to see it all up close. She also got to run some errands, assist me in the bathroom and so on – a lot more than she bargained for, I'm sure (After reading this bit, she denies this; says she's willing to do anything for me).

In the evening, when we finally got back from the ER, via the chemist's (I got some extra strong painkillers for future use), she said she'll still "keep me". Even if this sort of thing happened more often (this was the first time she saw it, and the second time it happened to me). Wow.

Another thing worth mentioning happened at the ER. There was a young student nurse, who did the triage and interviewed me in the waiting-room. At one point she asked J if she was a friend or something. J replied she was my spouse (which was correct, of course), to which the nurse just said (without batting an eye), "I see. All right", wrote J's name down and that was it! No questions, nada.

Drag

(moved from the old...)

I attended a drag king workshop last Sunday. Went there to get some tips on how to look like a guy (for masquerades and the like) and just to learn more about the whole drag thing. Well, it turned out to be an interesting day (7 hours). A bit scary, too.

There were two leaders (theatre students who'd studied the drag thing under Diane Torr) and eight participants. I didn't know anyone, but that was OK. I think it might have been harder with people I know.

The leaders did our make-up and beards. I got a full beard and mustache which was exactly the same colour as my hair. My eyebrows were touched up a bit and I also got small sideburns. The transformation was quite impressive – I looked like a schoolteacher when finished! So... that's the role I took. I became "Shorty", the slightly nerdy teacher (in his late 30's), who doesn't go out much, and whose girlfriend left him because he likes his computers a bit too much :-D

Getting the clothes was easy (they were my own; shirt, tie, waistcoat, trousers, boxer shorts underneath, shoes...), getting bound was easy, if a bit uncomfortable, walking and doing stuff like a guy was fairly easy, too... What was hard (and scary!) was going out and walking in the city centre with the full getup.

But we all did it... and survived. Afterwards, it was almost exhilarating. Getting the beard and stuff out when it was all over was agony, though.

There was a drag king contest on Wednesday. No, I didn't attend (as if!).

BTW, my parents haven't mentioned my plans to move... not once. And being the coward that I am, I never told them the whole truth about the workshop. They only know it had something to do with theatre, studying people's body language and the like.

Some of my favourite things...

(moved from the old...)

Things I like (a few, anyway):

• Boxer shorts
• Baseball caps or T-shirts with texts and pictures that you don't see everywhere (cool or original stuff, no beer logos)
• Websites without a single broken link
• People who respect other people's personal space
• Weekends when there's nothing to do and you can just laze around all day
• CB/SD anime characters
• Japanese calligraphy
• Celtic calligraphy

Parents... oy!

(moved from the old...)

My parents got back from a week-long trip yesterday. In the evening, after talking about the birthday and everything else that had happened here, I finally gathered my courage and told them I'm planning to move out. To another town. At the mention of Turku, they knew I meant moving in together with J. Dad kept his poker face, mom asked about my job (to which I replied that I'd already talked to my boss about it) and then said, "We'd better discuss this later, when there's more time."

Sigh. Well, at least they know now.

XXX (thirty, what did you think?)

(moved from the old...)

I've turned thirty. It didn't feel like anything as I don't feel any older than a couple of years ago.

The parties were nice, though... and J's birthday present was the best ever! I was expecting her to arrive on my birthday, sometime late in the evening. I got a phone call from her the night before (it was maybe an hour before midnight); she asked, like so many times before, what I was doing and where I was. I thought she was on her way to the computer room and wanted to make sure that I was on-line.

Then she asked me to open the door. She'd arrived a day early. Wow.

So the next day, after work, there were four of us (instead of the planned three) going to the local amusement park. After two hours and five rides, we went out to dinner, and that was it. Very nice, very relaxed, and really... that was all I needed.

Two days later, on Saturday, I threw an "open house" party to a bunch of friends. Plenty of food, wines and other drinks, a birthday cake (no candles!) made by my sister's fiancé, the works. I'd invited my Scout buddies, some chat friends and a few old friends. About a half of the invited people arrived (A and her gf had to cancel at the last moment, but that was OK, as J and I had a few drinks with them the previous evening).

Again, the day was a nice one and the guests seemed to enjoy themselves. The best thing was, though, that over the course of the evening, everyone had to realise that J and I are together, not "just" as friends. A few of the guests knew already and that only made things easier: they weren't hiding anything and neither were we.

Home is where...

(moved from the old diary-type thing)

So it's started for real. The transition, migration, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I've asked my boss about the possibility of doing this job in another city (all I really need is to get into the company network), I've been dropping hints about moving in with J all over the place, and we've made some purchases. A VCR, to replace her old one, wine glasses, stuff like that.

Oh, and I've had a toothbrush at J's place for months already (a fact that I haven't even tried to hide from e.g. my parents). I've also left some clothes there.

By the way, reading mushy fan fiction while missing your gf isn't very smart. It isn't smart at all.

First anniversary

(moved from the old diary-type thing)

We had our anniversary the day before yesterday. Wow. A year together... officially.

Celebrated together (away from parents) with a nice dinner, red wine, and later in the evening, some excellent cider.

I told mom about the occasion – she just hushed me, saying dad still doesn't understand (we were sitting at the kitchen table, he was two metres away in the balcony). Thanks mom. Today's her birthday... I'm still contemplating whether or not to buy her flowers.

Annoying stuff

(moved from the old diary-type thing)

Things that annoy me tremendously:

• Nostalgia for its own sake (Carpe diem and get on with it, all right?)
• Pointless, sickeningly sweet e-mails forwarded by morons who just don't think
• People who use words the meaning of which they don't know (and then use them wrong)
• People who use swear words as emphasis or as "punctuation" (and worse yet, equate "fag" with "idiot") – especially people who are grown up and should know better
• Websites that don't work at all without a Flash or Real Player plug-in
• Mobile phone users who forget the "mobile" part of the name and leave their phones behind when they go someplace (invariably, the phone starts to ring when its owner is away, take my word for it)

Sleeping arrangements

(moved from the old diary-type thing)

J and I spent a few days together again, when my parents were away. For three nights we slept in the same bed, but when my parents got back yesterday, they wanted us to sleep separately again. And J, being the good girl she is, did as told (although mom only said about it to me, not to us together). Hmph.

I'm still pretty damn miffed about this, although I still got to fall asleep on J's shoulder. Shouldn't complain? Well, I do. Call me a spoiled brat.