Aggressive - who, me?

(moved from the old diary-type thing)

Summer 1998:

'...their playfulness was contagious so naturally, I went along. Last day and all; of course they were that way. That gave me a good excuse to tell her I wanted to try it too. I really did, although most of the other things I said weren't said in earnest – I was just playing along.

After the kids had been put to bed, we stayed, chatting, playing, some still eating or drinking tea. The noise was winding down and we'd started gathering into smaller groups. The biggest one went off to one side, to have a smoke, so C and I went to that direction, too... but stayed behind and snuck away into the shade of some junipers. It was dark elsewhere, too, but this spot seemed even darker.

I don't know about her, but I was very nervous... and nearly backed out. Somehow, she managed to calm me down (I don't remember how – my memory seems to be rather blank until that moment) and I kissed her... or maybe she kissed me. I do remember how it felt (ohh my... :-} I sure do) and I remember that I tried to be as "good" as possible; to make her feel as good as she'd made me... and not to get carried away. I guess I succeeded because she seemed happy... and didn't bolt.

The rest of the evening was spent in the company of others, although we got some time alone, too... We did sit quite close to one another (and I enjoyed every second), but I don't think anyone thought it odd. At least I don't remember getting any odd looks from the others.

The night was chilly, and we were joking about sleeping together. I would have loved to sleep with her but I was sure she already had company (this was not the case as I found out the following day).

On the way home, I sat with her... and hardly could keep my hands off her. Actually, I couldn't – but I managed to behave myself and only held her hand. Went on flirting, telling jokes, having a good time... and now we did get some odd looks from the others. I didn't really care; I was sure I wouldn't see her too soon again.'

C and I met several times that autumn. The first time, and I think most of the other ones, were initiated by her. Can't really remember – I was pretty confused again... The first time she phoned me, I nearly got a heart attack. I was afraid she'd misinterpreted the whole "kiss thing" and that I'd now be stuck with her.

Well, I fell for her... but she'd also fallen for me so I suppose that was OK. I fought back at first but didn't succeed... We kept a pretty low profile in the public but were very much in love. All this time I also tried to a be a good, supportive friend for her – she had her problems and I helped out as best I could.

Spring 1999: Nine and a half months after that first kiss she broke it up. What really bugged me was that she didn't have the guts to say it to my face – she dumped me over e-mail. By the time we met, to talk things over, I was so angry that I had to keep a straight face, for fear of either yelling my head off or otherwise making a scene. I managed to keep such a good facade that she called me hard and cold.

Three weeks after the breakup she told me she had a new gf. I'm tired of this...

(Later I heard from a mutual friend that C had had that "new" gf on the side for quite a while and that she'd told her just about everything about me. She'd also told a lot about me to her other friends, all down to the intimate details. Lovely.)